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All these jokes have been sent to me by email, if you want to use them yourself just copy paste them into an email or word document, we all need laughter in our lives. so have a good laugh on me

Oh To Be 12 Again…
A man was sitting on the edge of the bed, observing his wife, looking  at herself in the mirror.
Since her birthday was not far off he asked what she’d like to have
for her Birthday. ‘I’d like to be twelve again’, she replied, still looking in the mirror.

On the morning of her Birthday, he arose early, made her a nice big
bowl of Coco Pops, and then took her to Alton Towers theme park.

What a day!
He put her on every ride in the park; the Death Slide, the Corkscrew,
the Wall of Fear, the Screaming Monster Roller Coaster, everything there was.

Five hours later they staggered out of the theme park.
Her head was reeling and her stomach felt upside down.

He then took her to a Mc Donald’s where he ordered her a Happy Meal
with extra fries and a chocolate shake.

Then it was off to the cinema with popcorn, a huge Cola, and her favourite sweets………..M&M’s.

What a fabulous adventure!

Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed exhausted.

He leaned over his wife with a big smile and lovingly asked,

‘Well Dear, what was it like being twelve again?’
Her eyes slowly opened and her expression suddenly changed. ‘I meant
my dress size, you retard!!!!’

The moral of the story: Even when a man is listening, he is gonna
get it wrong.


The Love Dress

A woman stopped by unannounced at her recently married son’s house.

She rang the doorbell and walked in. She was shocked to see her daughter-in-law lying on the couch, totally naked.  Soft music was playing, and the aroma of perfume filled the room.

“What are you doing?” she asked.

I’m waiting for my husband to come home from work,” the daughter-in-law answered.

“But your naked!” the mother-in-law exclaimed.

“This is my love dress” the daughter-in-law explained.

“Love dress?  But…your naked” the mother-in-law shouted.

“My husband loves me to wear this dress” she answered.  “When he sees it, he instantly becomes romantic.”

The mother-in-law left.  When she got home, she undressed, showered and put on her best perfume, dimmed the lights, put on a romantic CD, and lay on the couch waiting for her husband to arrive.

Finally her husband came home. He walked in and saw her lying there so provocatively.

“What are you doing?” he asked.

“This is my love dress” she whispered sensually.

“Needs ironing” he said.  “What’s for dinner?”

His funeral will be held this coming Monday.   Closed casket

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