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Archive for the ‘jokes’ category

The next pandemic! WINE FLU

April 3rd, 2010

The next pandemic! WINE FLU…….
I went to a dinner party last night, where I and other guests enjoyed copious amounts of alcohol. I awoke this morning with flu-like symptoms; headache, nausea, chills, sore eyes.
As a result, I have unfortunately tested positive for what a cadre of experts are now calling Wine Flu.
This debilitating condition is [...]

Irish Joke

April 3rd, 2010

Young Paddy bought a donkey from a farmer for £100. The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day.
The next day he drove up and said, ‘Sorry son, but I have some bad news. The donkey’s died.’
Paddy replied, ‘Well then just give me my money back.’ The farmer said, ‘Can’t do that. I’ve already [...]

New Alphabet Joke

April 3rd, 2010

New Alphabet
A is for apple, and B is for boat,
That used to be right, but now it won’t float! Age before beauty is what we once said,
But let’s be a bit more realistic instead.
Now The Alphabet:
A’s for arthritis;
B’s the bad back,
C’s the chest pains, Perhaps car-d-iac?
D is for dental [...]

MEN ARE JUST HAPPIER PEOPLE
NICKNAMES
· If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah.
· If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla and Four-eyes.
EATING OUT
· When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw [...]

Old Women Joke

April 3rd, 2010

Old Women joke
A tour bus driver is driving with a bus load of senior women down a highway when he is tapped on his shoulder by a little old lady.
She offers him a handful of peanuts, which he gratefully munches up.
After about 15 minutes, she taps him on his shoulder again and she hands him [...]

Joke THINGS TO THINK ABOUT

April 2nd, 2010

THINGS TO THINK ABOUT !
1. You spend the first two years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next sixteen telling them to sit down and shut up.
2. Grandchildren are God’s reward for not killing your own children.
3. Mothers of teens now know why some animals eat their young.
4. [...]

MY LIVING WILL

April 2nd, 2010

MY LIVING WILL
Last night, my kids and I were sitting in the living room and I said to them, ‘I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the plug.’
They got up, unplugged the Computer, and threw out [...]

A Soldier and nun joke

April 2nd, 2010

A soldier ran up to a nun. Out of breath he asked, ‘Please, may I hide under your skirt. I’ll explain later.’
The nun agreed.
A moment later two Military Police ran up and asked, Sister, have you seen a soldier?’
The nun replied, ‘He went that way.’
After the MPs ran off, [...]

Joke Four friends spend

April 2nd, 2010

Four friends spend weeks planning the perfect girls getaway trip – shopping, casinos, massages, facials.
Two days before the group is to leave Mary’s husband puts his foot down and tells her she isn’t going. Mary’s friends are very upset that she can’t go, but what can they do.
Two days later [...]

Joke twenty dollars

April 1st, 2010

TWENTY DOLLARS
On their wedding night, the young bride approached her new
husband and asked for $20..00 for their first lovemaking encounter. In his highly aroused state, her husband readily agreed.
This scenario was repeated each time they made love, for more than 30 years, with him thinking that it was a cute way for [...]

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